i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize