Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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