I just pynch a tree in the face
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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