I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
