I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
