Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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