Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
