Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
