I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
