I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
