I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Someone came in the potted fern
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
