Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
