i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
