I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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