I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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