my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize