I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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