The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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