Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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