I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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