We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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