I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
