that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
