yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
