god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
