Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Randomize
