It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
