i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
