apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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