uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
