If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
