everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
