so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize