Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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