the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
