A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize