So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
