I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
