the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
