Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
