Dual....:-)
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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