We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
