so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
