there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
