My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
