i already hear my dad disowning me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize