My friends, they love my intelligence
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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