....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
