I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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