I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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