I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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