Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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