They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Of course I have a pirate flag
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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