Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
