omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
