well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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