Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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