This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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