cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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