I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
