did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
