I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize