I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I had to cum in my sink.
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