Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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