Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
