K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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