So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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