maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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