I heard we made out
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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