I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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