the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
