And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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