She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Randomize
